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Saturday, November 27, 2010

There, but for Camille Grammer, go I.

It has come to my attention that there may be some things that I neglected to mention.  Not intentionally, I just didn't think about it until one night when a few friends close to the situation, pointed it out to me.  And then it hit me.  Like a TON. OF. BRICKS!...I could have been Camille Grammer.  True story.

So there I was...circa 1991, a fresh faced 21 year old, little Miss Sassy, doing my thang at the Red Onion.  That's a restaurant/nightclub that used to be the ONLY hang out in the area.  I was just dancing, enjoying a little Vanilla Ice, because... I mean...who doesn't?!  Am I right?! ;)   When this man comes up to me and says he has a friend who wants to meet me.  Hmmmm...interesante'.  So I was intrigued because this guy was dressed in a suit, and in a world full of Hammer pants, he stood out like a ho' in church.  When we got to the bar...who was sitting there?!  None other than KELSEY GRAMMER.  I kid. you. not.  This wasn't the tidy Kelsey of late.  This was the-last-season-of-Cheers-w/-the-long-straggly-hair-and-bad-coke-habit Kelsey.  Not attractive.  So did I maintain my composure, you ask?  Did I conduct myself as though this sort of thing was not unusual and happened to me all the time?  But of course I didn't.  My exact words were...~insert high shrill voice of a teenager~ "WELL LOOK WHO YOU ARE?!!!".  He glanced up at me over his drink and said in his sad, defeated voice, "Who am I?".  I said, "You're Frazier Crane!!".  So pretty much the romance died right there at the bar of the Red Onion.  He bought me a drink and I walked away.  ~whispers~  Foreverrrrrr. 

So, cut to me having drinks last week w/ some girlfriends and telling this story.  When I finished a few ladies where staring at me with their mouths open.  What?!  This is when they chastised me for not disclosing this tidbit of info on my blog.  Never occurred to me!!  But then I started putting the pieces together. Camille was a dancer...I was dancing!  Camille was a young 20's girl w/ big hair in the early 90's...I was a 21 year old, big-haired girl!  OMG!  So close!  Whew!  Kinda made me sweat for a second.  Dodged a bullet on that one, my friends!  Not saying that Kelsey is unattractive now, but back in the day...eeeek!  And I had no desire to be the drug addict's savior.  That's God's job, not mine. 
So thinking about all of my rantings and ravings about this hollowed out, shell of a woman (Camille, not me!), could this just be sour grapes?  The green-eyed monster having its way with me.  And it is entirely possible that I have suppressed and suppressed until it has shown itself in the form of beating her Botoxed, so-you-think-you-can-dance-but-not-without-a-pole, insecure self about the head & shoulders.  Maybe it is time to reflect.  Look SHARI in the eyes and see what's behind all of this Camille angst...aaaaaannnnnnd, we're done.  NOPE, no jealousy.  Just the overwhelming urge to slap her. :)  Thank you and goodnight.

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