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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Four more years...

What, in the name of all that is pure and holy, am I going to do with myself in 4 more years when Adam is in kindergarten?!!!  The thought just makes me GIDDY!  Here I sit in this peace and quiet while he is napping and sister is in preschool (mind you, I only have about 90 minutes of this) and I am so happy I'm literally tingling.  Literally.  Feeling tingles as we speak...uh, type...or I type and you listen, if you are reading out loud...but only do that if you are alone or people will think you're a freak and well...speaking of freaks...MOVING ON!

Where was I?  Oh yes, tingles! :)  So when Mr. Adam starts kindergarten, what to do...what to DO?!!  First I shall go to Starbucks.  I believe that's the proper 'kids in school' etiquette for moms.  Maybe I'll go with another mom!  We could chat.  Actually complete a sentence without interjecting with "I'm TALKING!  Stop interrupting!  Put that DOWN!"  Just a nice, quiet chat.  Aaaaaah.  Then perhaps I will go to Target.  Yes, people, it just might get that crazy. :)  And then possibly go for a run, then a shower and maybe off for a mani/pedi?  Or a nap?  I'll clean the house eventually, once the 'new' wears off.  Might take a week or so.  It's been a long 5 years.  Mama's earned it.  Hubby made the comment once that when the kids were in school he would retire and I could go back to working full time.  I didn't speak to him for 2 weeks.  No one did.  I forbid it.  Sent flyers around the neighborhood informing the mothers of what he said to me.  They united, supported, and glared appropriately.  He came to his senses and realized he wanted to live.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I had a plan...

And oh what a wonderful plan it was.  Mother of the Year worthy!! :)  Today is the day that we have been waiting for...Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue hits stores!!  So me and my chitlins were going to go out to breakfast and head over to Target to retrieve this glorious treasure.  It was 8:15 am and the store was empty.  Humming a happy tune, I found some Halloween candy dishes shaped like candy corn (candy corn will earn its very own post in the near future) and a pumpkin, and a little pumpkin headband for Kaitlyn.  Life was good and filled with promise.  "I love the smell of Target in the morniiiiing!!"

And then...uuhhhh...where's the movie?  Tag is there...several tags are there...no movie.  Hmmm...dvd...nothing, blue-ray...nothing, special deluxe edition complete w/ a ring, a bracelet, and a brand new car...nothing.  Ok, nobody panic.  Find Target person...ok, doesn't speak english, no problem...use broken spanglish and thank the Heavenly Father that Tinkerbell is the same in all languages.  Manager informs me that NO TARGET STORES have received the movie yet, check back later.  Whaaaaaaaaaaa?  Listen MISTER!  There IS NO 'check back later' in LittleGirlLand!!  Do you want to tell this to my 4 year old who is drooling all over herself w/ joyful anticipation?  I think not!  I had no choice.  Like a mother in the midst of combat, I knew what I had to do.  It wasn't going to be pretty, but I'm a mom.  And it ain't a pretty job most of the time.  So I muster up the courage and...off to WalMart we go. "I love the smell of ...um...Wal...errr...well...ok, I just can't do it... it smells like ass in here."   But they had the movie.  We got in, held our noses, and got out! 

I never understood the disdain people held for WalMart.  I got the fact that it put lots of mom & pop stores out of business, and that was a shame, but I tried to balance that w/ the fact that it employed a lot of people, gave them health benefits and provided the masses w/ cheap stuff.  This was my feeling until a dreaded Wednesday night a few months ago.  I was so disturbed that I whipped out a notebook to record my pain right there in the parking lot.  I am off to find that notebook because you must hear the story in the whipped-up, frenzied tone in which it was originally written.  Stay tuned...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

My clicky pen...

Needed a little retail therapy today so I ventured to Target Fine Imports.  As I am perusing, finding tons of crap that I don't need...except that I DO...I remembered a little bug that my sister planted in my brain.  It was something she said brought her great joy.   I searched and searched, and there it was...feast your eyes...

Do you see this, because I'm not sure that you do.  Yes, it is the 4 color clicky pen, big whoop, but wait...look at the fine print...


That's right, FASHION COLORS!!!  Purple, pink, turquoise, and lime green!!  I bought 2. :)  Now I can share in that joy, too.  I shall die happy.  Oh what to write...what to write??!!  Except that I type...oh well, details!   I must now excuse myself to go caress all that is...the clicky pen. :)

Friday, September 10, 2010

Ruh Roh!

Now I've stepped in it!  Both literally and figuratively, but more on the literal later.  (It involves mud, and me hydroplaning across a planter at Target...and it ain't pretty...but I digress.)  Hubby informed me that the tire can't be fixed so it's going to cost $870 for 4 new tires.  Now all you ladies out there are thinking...just buy one damn tire!  And all the men have some super-duper reason why we can't.  Like they think THEY are the Nascar professionals...puh-leeeez!  When Jimmie Johnson tells me about it, I'll believe it!  First I would kiss him...then I'd believe him. :)

I have a thing w/ tires...

My entire life I have been plagued w/ flat tires and all sorts of tire issues.  Ask my dad, goes waaaaayyy back to my little bicycle w/ the flower basket and big orange flag on the back.  (That flag is still a sore spot for me so leave it alone!)  So today I get the kids ready and as I'm loading them in the car I notice that my right rear is flat. (don't be intimidated by my use of 'right rear'.  It comes from many years of Nascar, so don't beat yourself up over it.  I'm a professional.)  CRAP!!  Well, as I was walking back in the house to tell the hubster, I noticed something...something that brought me great joy w/ a side order of pride...don't ask me why, but it did.  I went from "Oh crap, this sucks!" , to "Hey honey!  Come look what I did!". :)   Take a gander at my tire...

Those are half of a pair of scissors in there.  But that is not what was so impressive.  HERE is what I'm talking about...


IN THE WHEEL WELL, PEOPLE!! :)  How cool am I?!!  Jealous, much? ;)  Now hubby will tell you that 'officially' he was aggravated...until he saw the VISION.  I caught a glimpse of that little smile.  He tried to hide it but I could see it, plain as day.  That was pride, my friend...pure pride.

It is but a symbol, given to me from the gods, of my recent mental struggle over how to get mine and Kaitlyn's haircut w/ this little boy in tow.  It is as if the universe is saying to me, "Yes, Shari, haircuts suck!"  or maybe just a simple "SCREW THE HAIRCUT!".  I am at peace.  Namaste'.

I should tell you that I once had a AAA tire man tell me that the pliers I ran over, that shaped themselves into a perfect "L", were the strangest thing he had seen in 20 years.  ~heavy sigh~...wish I had his number...

And then there was the time that all 4 wheels were stolen off of my new Honda Accord and I woke up to find my car sitting on blocks.  True story.  Try calling for a tow on that one!  Kept having to explain to the insurance guy that..."I HAVE NO WHEELS!!!  How can you tow me?!"  Had to get a ride to Honda, buy 4 new WHEELS (not just tires!), take them back to my car and THEN call the tow man to put them on the car.  I was amazed they could get the jack under the car!  Where's my pit crew when I need them?!

Monday, September 6, 2010

It's just who I am...

I wish I could be one of those people who just blows sunshine and rainbow ponies up your butt, but it's just not me.  I do try to always look at the silver lining, and for most things I'm able to do that.  Seems like when things are really bad or sad, or tragic, I'm able to dig deep and find the lesson.  Maybe I do that out of desperation so that I don't find myself plummeting into the pits of hell, complete w/ moaning and gnashing of teeth.  Who knows.  But when it comes to the daily grind...and by grind I mean pull your toenails back w/ a pair of pliers, then shove your head in a meat grinder, kind of grind...I just DO NOT have the capacity.  My humor is the only thing that honestly keeps me from running my car into a pole.  Yes, it's that bad.  Now don't start w/ the "Oh Shari, so many people have it so much worse..."  yeah, yeah, I know all that.  That is all completely true. I'll be ashamed of myself later and then add THAT to my list of failures,  but for right now I need to wallow.  I need to wallow in the madness of my daily life.  The constant screeching (think howler monkey), Kaitlyn refusing to eat, while Adam is eating us out of house and home, the screaming from the tangles in the hair that MAKE ME WANT TO SHAVE HER HEAD, the whining, I could go on and on...and I think I have...so I'm going to stop right here.  I know this will pass.  And again, this is one of the few thoughts that keeps me going. That it will end and I will never have to do this again.   I do not like motherhood right now.  There.  I said it.  So shoot me.  (Please!) 
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