Search This Blog

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I think I'm going to homeschool...

You read that right.  Calm down.  Every day between 6:45am and 6:54am I entertain the thought of homeschooling.  This is the 9 minutes of torture between the alarm going off and the snooze alarm, when in my exhausted haze I think how wonderful it would be to homeschool and not have to wake to an alarm.  Aaaaaahhhhhh.  But inevitably, as the sleepy starts to wear off, I start to realize that would mean that the precious treasure known as my children would be spending their entire day with me...every day...and then the day after that...and then the day after that.  That's when I realize that dragging my tired butt out of bed is but a small price to pay to have a few hours of quiet.

I'm sure you're shocked and surprised to find that I don't already homeschool.  You're probably thinking, "Shari, with your penchant for patience and calm demeanor, why aren't you homeschooling?  Why aren't you pouring all of your love and understanding upon your precious children every waking moment of your day?"  I'll agree, it is a puzzlement.  But as my husband points out, if I were to homeschool, my kids wouldn't be able to do even one pull-up.   **Backstory** When I was a senior in high school I was called up on stage with other kids to receive the Presidential Academic Fitness Award.  I was floored!  I leaned over to a friend standing next to me and said, "Wow!  This is so unexpected!  I couldn't even do one pull-up!"  He looked confused for a second and then he says, "ACADEMIC fitness, you idiot."  OOOOHHH!!!  Nevermind.  :)  This is hubby's favorite story in the whole wide world.   #notjustapurdyface

Friday, January 13, 2012

I Have A Policy...

I have found that my life runs smoother with certain policies.  And by policies, I mean rules made up BY me, FOR me!  I find that it helps me stick to certain things and avoid aggravation.  For example, I have a policy that I will always check the bag before I drive away from the drive-thru window, to make sure they got my order right.  NOTHING makes me more hostile than pulling away and realizing that they gave Sissy nuggets when she wanted a cheeseburger, or that they gave Bubba apple slices that taste like nail polish (Sissy once said, "Mom, these apples taste like nail polish.  Yeah, they're GOOD!") instead of french fries.  So I sit there and go through each and every little bag to make sure that in their haste, I didn't get screwed.  Sometimes you will begin to feel the pressure to move that car, but don't you do it!  In moments of uncertainty,  I just remind myself that I have a policy!  Because I am NOT going in that store.  That would require me to park...get 2 kids out of the car...get the stroller because Bubba will take off running for the hills if I don't, then standing in LINE to make them fix the order that they screwed up in the first place.  I will NOT be that guy!  Therefore, I have established a policy that I shall check the baggage!  I enjoy telling the window person about my policy if they give me the "lady, what is your deal" face.  I simply say, "I have a policy that I check the bag for accuracy before pulling away from the dock.  Please hold."  (I enjoy saying "Please Hold" because it is said to me on so many occasions, so I like to pay it forward.  Besides, it's funny. ) You'd be surprised at how using the word 'policy' affects people.  Window Person usually just says a surprised, "Oh!  Ok."   Like if by using that word it makes it more official.  I don't know, it's just my policy.

Another policy that I have and highly recommend to everyone is, I do not answer the door if I don't know you.  Never.  Ever.  Even if you have flowers because I am not that stupid as to be fooled by some perp trying to gain access into my house by bringing me a vase of flowers.  (I use this example because according to the law enforcement peeps in my family, this works every time!) And just because you have official badges and a van, well guess what?!!  I can go to Kinko's too, you sonofa%&$*!!  Oh, ok.  Maybe that was a little harsh.  But I get so aggravated that in this day and age, with all of the crime and home invasion robberies, that people would continue to go door-to-door to sell crap that none of us needs or asked for!  I figure, you have my address, mail me a letter!  If I want what you are selling, I'll call YOU!  If not, go away!

This situation happened to me yesterday and it just makes me so mad!  My 5 year old was yelling upstairs, "Mom!  Someone's at the door!"  I looked out the window and saw two men with suits and name badges. Big whoop!  Not opening the door, sucker!  Because like hubby says, "Nothing good can come of it.  Only bad!  Once you open that door, they are in if they want to be."  And I've got 2 little kids to think of. I have been known to talk through the door and explain that "I have a policy to not open the door to strangers.  Have a nice day."  Or in the words of Jack Nicholson, "go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all full up here!"

I also have a no pen policy.  Meaning that I don't use community pens when I am out in stores and ESPECIALLY when I am at the doctor's office!!  I mean, really!?!  You've got people in the waiting room with everything from strep to the mange and you want me to touch the pen that they just fingered?  Not thanks!  I find that during cold and flu season, whipping out my very own pen is an easy way to avoid unnecessary illness.  As opposed to those illnesses that are necessary.  :)  I'm not an OCD clean freak, by any means.  But this just makes good sense, doesn't it?  And besides, it's my policy.

My final policy (who am I kidding?!  I've got a million of them! ) is that I do not donate to any organization outside of stores.  Leave. Me. Alone!  Bad enough that they are knocking on my door, but now they are attacking me when I am trying to shop!?!  I groan when I pull into the parking lot and see someone camped out with their pop up table in front of the store.  Ugh.  Leave me alone!  I donate to the food pantry through school, I buy Girl Scout cookies from my friends, I am a Partner in Hope for Saint Jude's every month, and besides all of that, I give where I see a need.  I don't need the checker person asking me at EVERY transaction if I want to donate to this, that, or the other!  And while I'm on the subject, I'm realizing that I need to amend this policy to cover those freakin' carts in the middle of the mall!!  DO NOT approach me to try your hand cream or sit in your chair so you can fry my hair with your flat iron, people!!!  I am shopping, or chatting, or enjoying some semblance of calm and I don't want to be sold to!  What?  What's that you say?  Why yes, I used to be in sales...what's your point?  I used to annoy myself with my sales pitches and that is why I now have a policy that I won't buy something from solicitors!  I will not encourage this behavior.  If I walk into your store or up to your cart, then I'm fair game.  Otherwise, back off!

I encourage you to give it a go!  Develop a few policies for yourself and report back!  #policiessavelives


There was an error in this gadget