What fresh hell is this?

Apparently we've entered a new "phase".  We have a "situation".  An "issue".  (For some reason I'm visualizing Joey from Friends and his "air quotes", then Ms. Chanandler Bong saying, "You're doing it wrong, Joe."  Ok, back to hell...this morning at the crack o' early, I felt this little hand patting my bed.  Patting...patting...I wondered what it was but was so tired that I said a quick prayer that the situation would resolve itself.  That is, until I heard, "Morning Sissy!"  Ummm, WTH?  Mr. Man and I sat straight up in bed, dazed and confused.  Holyyyyy CRAP!!  Bubba had jumped out of his crib!  I mean, he's almost 4 feet tall...it was bound to happen.  But I had put if off for so long, and honestly, I'm just not ready.  Not ready.  I just wanted him to stay in that crib until he was like 3 1/2 and his little legs were sticking out through the slats because he was so tall.  I need this boy CONTAINED!!  Now, what to do!?!  He has given me his 2 1/2 year old promise, more like a "pwomise", that he will never jump out again...and I think he means it.  Ok, he doesn't mean it, but it's early and I'm tired and have I mentioned that I'm not ready to deal with this?  He's only been sleeping through the night for 3 months, which mean I HAVE ONLY BEEN SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR 3 MONTHS!

I can hear my mother's voice in my head, frantic that he will hurt himself jumping out of the crib.  This does not concern me considering he jumps from the top of the slide without a problem. (Maybe a non-life threatening injury will slow him down!  I KID!  (not really)  Did I just quote within a quote?  Party foul!  Sorry!)   My boy is very athletic, so maybe this mama just needs to have faith in his athletic abilities and write this off to just a "whim"...it's a "fluke", right?  He probably won't do it again.  Just wanted to see if he could.  Yeah, that's it.  That's all this was.  Just curiosity, and now that he knows he can, he will have no interest in doing it again.  Whew.  Thanks, guys.  I was scared there for a second.  #denial  #prayforme

Mother Fluffer!

Woke up 498 times last night because my husband kept fluffing the blankets! Makes. me. crazy!!!  I was sleeping so nice and warm and cozy, and Mr. Man would roll over every 20 minutes and fluff up the covers, thus sending a blast of freezing cold air into my warm little pocket I had carved out for myself.  AAGGHHH!!!   Then I'd have to start all over, making sure there were no gaps that could let out the heat.  Twenty minutes later...MOTHER FLUFFER!  I'm sure he thought I was talking in my sleep at first.  1:00 am..."Stop fluffing my pocket."  2:15 am ... "You're letting in all of the cold air." 2:50 am..."DUDE!" (we actually say these things in Cali.)  3:30 am ...  "I am about to rain down a wrath upon your head, the likes of which you've never known."  Now let's just add this to the fact that Bubba, at almost 3 years old, has decided that the last 3 nights, instead of sleeping, he's going to scream bloody murder.   I don't even think he's fully awake when he's screaming.  Have I mentioned that he screams as loud as a full grown person?  Because I'm feeling the need to drive that point home again.  And again.  He is very loud.  Like blow-your-hair-back loud.  Like be-in-a-sound-sleep-and-sit-bolt-upright-in-bed-not-knowing-where-the-hell-you-are-and-why-you're-being-yelled-at loud.  Like Full-Metal-Jacket-I-love-the-smell-of-napalm-in-the-morning loud.  And he's down the hall behind a closed door!  We have NEVER turned the volume up on the video monitor.  Oh yes, we have video.  MUST have video.  That little sucker is cagey.  Gotta keep an eye on him 24/7.  

So today I am pooped and it is a yoga pants kinda day.  What I REALLY want is a yoga pants, eat myself sick in chocolate chip cookies, kinda day.  Weight Watchers won't let me.  Apparently, they are watching.......and weighing.  #meanies