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Sunday, January 30, 2011

You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like you!

Can we talk for just a minute? Just between us chipmunks? (Don't ask. If you don't know me by now, let me just explain that sometimes there is no explanation for what flies out of my mouth.) Anywho...I have to say that I am honestly sick and tired of seeing articles, books, and shows about 'Women Learning to Love Themselves', and 'Finding the Beauty Within'. It's not that I'm against women learning these things, I guess I just wish it wasn't necessary. Do we not know that beauty is within? Why don't men have these problems? Like women don't have enough to deal with, without having to worry about this? Can't we all just put on our Big Girl Panties and try to be good people and kind to our fellow neighbor, and the other crap be damned? Maybe it comes from being a chipmunk (there it is again) but I am just so sick of hearing about it. I have had days when I have felt down, of course. But it just seems like an epidemic these days. It must sell lots of magazines and give the talk shows great ratings or I guess they wouldn't talk about it so much.

I remember when I was in 6th grade and I was starting to see the dynamics happening between boys and girls. I knew I wasn't one of the pretty girls. I mean, I wasn't homely, but definitely not a head turner. Several of my friends got a ton of boy attention, and I didn't, except to be friends. I remember thinking to myself, "Ok Shari, looks aren't your thing, so you better work on that personality!" I vividly remember thinking this. So I did. And I knew I was smart. So I decided to work on the positives and accept what I had to work with. I had a friend who wasn't the best looking girl, but people were drawn to her because she was so much fun and smiled all the time. Bingo! That would be me! I didn't attract all of the boys, but I believe I attracted the ones that mattered, and in the end, isn't that what's important?

Here's what I wonder...when we have moments that we aren't feeling so great about ourselves, what if we went out and did something nice for someone else? I'm not trying to get all Pollyanna on your ass, but I wonder if it is possible to be depressed about your own life when you're volunteering at a homeless shelter, battered women's home, or donating food and clothing. This is an honest question, I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad about themselves, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!! Wouldn't THAT be counterproductive?! But that brings up another thought...why should what someone says make somebody feel bad about themselves, unless it is directly addressed at that person. (Like if someone said, "Shari, you are an idiot." Offensive. But if someone said, "All bloggers are idiots.", I'm not offended by that because I know I'm not an idiot.) I mention this because there are many times where someone's Facebook status or blog post has ruffled feathers. It's one thing to disagree, but often people become so irate and you can only assume it is because they have personalized comments that weren't directed at them. Are they feeling judged, or are they judging themselves? I just find it interesting because I don't think people can be offended unless deep inside they think the same thing of themselves. And if someone is judging you, why do we care? I am caring less and less as I get older. I think that is one gift of age. Counter balances the acts of gravity that are just rude.

Ok, back to fun and frolic in the next blog, I promise! First I hit you with ratios...and now this! What is this...SCHOOL?! Forgive me! 20 lashes with a wet noodle. But not the Toy Story noodle, just the regular kind with extra cheese. :)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Mini Me...

It's time to discuss ratios. We've avoided it long enough, people. You knew we couldn't go on all willy nilly forever, didn't you? Well, let us put on our big girl (or boy) panties and dive in, shall we? Trust me, you'll be glad you did.

Never thought about ratios before having children, but now I find myself faced with them on a daily basis. The ratio of 2 parents to 1 child, and the difference it made when the ratio became 2:2. (I believe that ' : ' is the international sign for ratio's, although I'm not sure...pretty sure, but not 100%. I didn't ask my staff to research it before launching this project. My bad. By the way, where is my staff? Note to self...get staff.) But now we've gotten off on a tangent, haven't we? I know what you are trying to do. You're trying to distract me with all of your questions. Well it won't work, MISTER! RATIOS!!!

Let's take the mini M&M's for example, it seems as though they would taste the same as regular sized M&M's and yet they do not. Why is that? Ratio. Something to do with the amount of chocolate vs. the candy coating and it all went wonky. The jury is still out on whether or not I like them. I mean, I wouldn't kick them out of bed for eating...uh...ok, bad analogy, but I think I'm a purist and enjoy the traditional M's. Now mini-Oreos!! WHOLE other
story!!! WOW!! Ratio made those its BEYOTCH! :) Pour those little bad boys into a bowl, covered in milk and you've got the Breakfast of Champions!! Of course I have never done this, I'm just sayin'. (Sidebar... isn't it interesting how everything has gone mini these days? Seems like when mini people came into my life, so did this mini food business. Coincidence? I think not.) And these little Ritz bits peanut butter cracker mini's?!!! HURT ME!! Love those. Mini cheese? Not so much. Now why is that? Ratio = no go!

Well now you've done it, I'm hungry. I should mention that you must take care when eating minis. For some strange reason, these mini contraptions pack maxi calories. So fair warning! Too much mini make too much Shari!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Incompetent...or incapable? THAT is the question!

Is it just me, or is there an awful lot more screw ups these days?  I'm talking...getting cheese on your sandwich when you specifically said no cheese because Weight Watchers frowns on cheese, not because you don't like cheese, you are just forbidden from you REAL Coke when  you ordered diet...leggings that SAY they are a size 6 but really they are a size 5 so as your daughter is walking into her classroom and she bends down to pick something up you see baby butt crack so now you try to return them and the store confirms that yes, they are marked wrong but you now have all these tops to go w/ the leggings but the store won't return the tops because the tops aren't mismarked but you have no bottoms and your daughter is built like a pole so she can't wear jeans because she is too tall and now you have all of these tops and no bottoms.  Ok, that one is likely just me. But what about ordering something through the mail and it arrives broken...or boots w/ 2 right feet...or charging you for the $80 pedicure when your giftcard CLEARLY STATED IT WAS $80 FOR A MANI/PEDI so then you still owe $35 ~faints~ (ok...that one might be just me again). 

Can't just be me.  Seems as though this is becoming an epidemic.  Nobody cares, or they are all stupid.  Which is it?  One of my Facebook friends recently made a wish that stupidity was painful.  Wouldn't.  That.  Be.  AWESOME!?!!!!!  Omg!  I would LOVE that.  I could sit outside of Hot Topics and watch all of these kids saying, "Ow...Ow...OOWWWWW!!!"  :D  Or I could call Time Warner and hear, "Due to a large volume of ...OW!...calls, wait times are...OW!! ...longer than usual...OWW!!  You're call is very...OWW!!...important to us.  CRAP!  OW!!".  That would bring me joy.  Because really, who are the stupid people hurting now?  ME!  Enough, I say! 

To the preschool teacher that serves my child her snack at 8:30am when she walks in the door... ENOUGH!!!  To the drive thru person who speaks so fast I have no clue what they are saying and NO I DON'T WANT A YUMBO YACK, ENOUGH!!!  To the sales clerk who wipes her nose with her hand and then proceeds to hand me my change, ENOUGH!  To the receptionist at the doctor's office who acts like she's the one who went to medical school instead of smokin' her cigs behind the 7-11 trying to get someone to buy her beer, ENOUGH!!  I'm taking a stand, people!!  I will not dumb myself down.  Raise the standards!  Insist that life rise up to meet you!  I am sick and tired of battling and arguing with people who just don't seem to have the sense that God gave a goose!  TELL ME it's not just me!!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy New Year, I'm drawing a blank.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Nothing. I got nothing...maybeeeeeee...nope. Nada. Kicking off 2011 w/ a bang, I tell ya! Maybe there's just a log jam of rants. Watched Ax Men last night and learned that logs get jammed and clog up the process. Thinkin' I have a log jammed. I get little trickles of thought and inspiration, but the big gushers seem to be few and far between. Probably because I've just got too much jammed up in there. I know I've got a log marked 'Christmas Tree' because although I took all the decor down 4 or 5 days ago, this tree is still sitting here. Staring at me. With it's lights on. I mean, it's right here next to me. Staring. Cuz to have a tree sitting, staring, WITHOUT lights on is just sad. This is a tad less sad. But it's like he's saying, "Get off your lazy butt and take me DOWN already!! This is getting embarrassing!!". I know this is what he's saying. Stop looking at me! Stupid tree! I'll turn those lights out. Don't think I won't!

The reason this tree has not come down yet is because of log #2, which is cooking. Since we had zero plans for the New Year and since my mom is laid up with a broken leg, I decided to be festive and cook some fun stuff. So that involved menu planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning and delivering. Mix into that logs #3 and #4 which are Kaitlyn and Adam. Had to take care of them in betwixt and between. Ok, then there's the laundry log...the "Gymboree mismarked several pairs of their leggings as size 6 when they are really only a 4 or 5 so I have to go through, measure and return them" log, the "it's Sunday and hubby has the kids so I better get out while the gettin's good" log, the "Kaitlyn is in school and baby is napping so you better keep your New Year's resolution and blog more even though you haven't had a shower yet" log. Let's see, what else...oh, the "I have a new Kindle that I love and have no time to read like I want to because I have all of these logs" log, the "Kaitlyn wet the bed last night so we have emergency laundry that has to cut ahead of all the other laundry" log and in the meantime I realized that there's a new log today marked, "My new everyday sweater that I love is DRY CLEAN ONLY which does NOT make it an everyday sweater anymore!". I am a mother, dammat!!! We do not DO 'dry clean only'! Can I get an amen!?!

See, told ya there was a rant in there somewhere. This is a testament to the fact that I can go on and on with nothing...about infinity and beyond. Maybe in the process of this nothingness I have unjammed a log or two. Blog is done, now off to change laundry and shower! But first I have to go slap this tree.