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Monday, September 6, 2010

It's just who I am...

I wish I could be one of those people who just blows sunshine and rainbow ponies up your butt, but it's just not me.  I do try to always look at the silver lining, and for most things I'm able to do that.  Seems like when things are really bad or sad, or tragic, I'm able to dig deep and find the lesson.  Maybe I do that out of desperation so that I don't find myself plummeting into the pits of hell, complete w/ moaning and gnashing of teeth.  Who knows.  But when it comes to the daily grind...and by grind I mean pull your toenails back w/ a pair of pliers, then shove your head in a meat grinder, kind of grind...I just DO NOT have the capacity.  My humor is the only thing that honestly keeps me from running my car into a pole.  Yes, it's that bad.  Now don't start w/ the "Oh Shari, so many people have it so much worse..."  yeah, yeah, I know all that.  That is all completely true. I'll be ashamed of myself later and then add THAT to my list of failures,  but for right now I need to wallow.  I need to wallow in the madness of my daily life.  The constant screeching (think howler monkey), Kaitlyn refusing to eat, while Adam is eating us out of house and home, the screaming from the tangles in the hair that MAKE ME WANT TO SHAVE HER HEAD, the whining, I could go on and on...and I think I have...so I'm going to stop right here.  I know this will pass.  And again, this is one of the few thoughts that keeps me going. That it will end and I will never have to do this again.   I do not like motherhood right now.  There.  I said it.  So shoot me.  (Please!) 

4 comments:

  1. It could be worse, you could be going through all this and still living at your parents house waiting for yours to be finished. :)

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  2. THis is one of the things people don't tell us about motherhood. You sometimes want to, well, end it all. Yes, it IS crazy, but it is how a lot of us feel or have felt- me included. It's hard to tell people. But trust me- I have felt the exact same way. It is the raw truth.

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  3. Oh Nikki, I was there! We moved out of our old house the night before Adam was born, then lived w/ my parents for 10 weeks. I finally just moved in here w/ an unfinished kitchen and we just lived upstairs for a few weeks. But you're right, it could have been longer!

    Thanks, Amy! :)

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  4. I agree. It is one of those things one should warn about yet never will. I think we as moms should go talk to teenage girls and It would be the best birth control EVER!!!!

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