Just call me Shari Rogers...move over Kenny!

~singing in my best Kenny Rogers voice~

"On a warm fall evening, with a cart bound for Target,
I met up with a mother.  We were both too tired for sleep.
So we took turns a starin', at the discounts in the distance.
The boredom overtook us, and she began to speak.

She said, girl I've made a life, of keeping people happy.
Knowin' where their socks were, and Nintendo DSi's.
But if you don't mind my sayin', I'm sick of wipin' faces.
For a taste of that Pinot, I'll give you some advice...

You got to know when to hold 'em,
Know when to scold 'em.
Know when to walk away,
And know when to run.

You never eat your dinner, while you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for drinkin',
When the screamin's done."

Word to your mutha.

Went to Super Target today, and I have some thoughts...

Numero uno!  Although I am pleased as punch about the new Super Target w/ the grocery store, pulling into the parking lot I spy a HUGE GRIEVANCE!!  All of the cart return thingies are in the front row of the parking lot.  WTH?!!  Which told me that there were no mothers on that planning board!!  So I have a 4 year old and an 80 lb. 17 month old (not really, but he feels like it) that I have to haul WITH my cart cover because...well, just because eeeewww!  So we park in the back because every mother knows that if you try to park near the front, some idiot will park so close to your car that you won't be able to get yourself, much less the kids and all the paraphernalia out!  The wind is blowing like a banshee and so I will admit that I had a bit of a 'tude going in.  I own that.  But does that mean I am wrong when I get inside the store and see Kim Kardashian staring at me from People magazine with the headline, "I thought I'd be married by now", and I give an audible, "Oh Kim, SHUT UP!".  When my daughter looked up at me I realized that was out loud and not in my head.  Although in glancing around, I got a few head nods as if to say, "Go on w/ your bad self, sista!".  So on I went. 

I do love me some Kim Kardashian, but that kind of whining I just can't tolerate.  Lucky for her I didn't see Marie Osmond on Oprah before I saw that cover.  I might have had to whip out a Sharpie.  (Why, you ask?  Oh...no reason. :)  )  Poor little Kim is 30 and thought she'd be married by now.  Well guess what, Kimmie?  I thought I'd be living in a mansion, getting paid to get facials and smile at parties. Oh no, wait...that's YOU! Life isn't fair, but you've gotten more than your share so maybe having to wait a few more years to be married ain't all that bad!  (FYI, if I start whippin' out the "aint's", it's time to duck.) 

I'd hate to have to add Kim to my prayer list alongside Camille Grammer.  Next thing you know, Kim will be married w/ 2 kids, 6 nannies, a butler, and Alice from Brady Bunch.  All I can suggest to Miss Kardashian is that she call 1 (800) waaaaaa, or maybe www.stopcryingyoupatheticbaby.com.  It's just pissing the rest of us off. 

I had a plan...

And oh what a wonderful plan it was.  Mother of the Year worthy!! :)  Today is the day that we have been waiting for...Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue hits stores!!  So me and my chitlins were going to go out to breakfast and head over to Target to retrieve this glorious treasure.  It was 8:15 am and the store was empty.  Humming a happy tune, I found some Halloween candy dishes shaped like candy corn (candy corn will earn its very own post in the near future) and a pumpkin, and a little pumpkin headband for Kaitlyn.  Life was good and filled with promise.  "I love the smell of Target in the morniiiiing!!"

And then...uuhhhh...where's the movie?  Tag is there...several tags are there...no movie.  Hmmm...dvd...nothing, blue-ray...nothing, special deluxe edition complete w/ a ring, a bracelet, and a brand new car...nothing.  Ok, nobody panic.  Find Target person...ok, doesn't speak english, no problem...use broken spanglish and thank the Heavenly Father that Tinkerbell is the same in all languages.  Manager informs me that NO TARGET STORES have received the movie yet, check back later.  Whaaaaaaaaaaa?  Listen MISTER!  There IS NO 'check back later' in LittleGirlLand!!  Do you want to tell this to my 4 year old who is drooling all over herself w/ joyful anticipation?  I think not!  I had no choice.  Like a mother in the midst of combat, I knew what I had to do.  It wasn't going to be pretty, but I'm a mom.  And it ain't a pretty job most of the time.  So I muster up the courage and...off to WalMart we go. "I love the smell of ...um...Wal...errr...well...ok, I just can't do it... it smells like ass in here."   But they had the movie.  We got in, held our noses, and got out! 

I never understood the disdain people held for WalMart.  I got the fact that it put lots of mom & pop stores out of business, and that was a shame, but I tried to balance that w/ the fact that it employed a lot of people, gave them health benefits and provided the masses w/ cheap stuff.  This was my feeling until a dreaded Wednesday night a few months ago.  I was so disturbed that I whipped out a notebook to record my pain right there in the parking lot.  I am off to find that notebook because you must hear the story in the whipped-up, frenzied tone in which it was originally written.  Stay tuned...